Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
