Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
