i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
