So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
