Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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