12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
