just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
