Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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