Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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