i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
