Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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