You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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