u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
