No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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