the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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