remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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