my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
