i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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