So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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