I think my fart just growled at me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
