just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
vagina is talking i cant
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
