I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Randomize
