i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
