Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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