I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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