And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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