I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
