If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
