So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
