You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
