On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
