Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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