If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
