i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
