My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
