so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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