oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
