Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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