Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
