Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
