You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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