I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
