i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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