Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
