i may or may not be watching the land before time
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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