I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
