why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
