Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im holly from the hills drunk
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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