his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
