I puked a lego.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
