last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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